Missing You

(My father has dementia.)

“Daddy,” I ask, “how are you today?”

          “They put glass in my food. I think I passed the test and didn’t eat any.”

          “I hope not, “I declare.

          “Did you fix that thing?”

          “That thing?” I respond. “Is it in here?”

          “What about my suitcase? Did you find it in Florida?”

          “How did your suitcase get in Florida?” I ask.

          “With the swim team.”

          “You were in Florida with the swim team?” I question carefully.

          “I threw up when I couldn’t swim. No one liked me.”

          “I’m sorry you threw up,” I sympathize.

          “Why?”

          “Because it hurts to be sick,” I answer.

          “Who was sick? Did you get my suitcase?”

          “Yes,” I tell him. “I found it. Everything is fine.”   

          “Did those things match?”

          “Those things?” I ask. 

          No response. He stares at the wall.

          “They match perfectly,” I promise.

“They didn’t like me so they left me.”

“Where did they leave you?” I ask.

“I’m so glad there are no more woods,”

“Did they leave you in the woods, Daddy?”

“Why do they leave me every night to sleep alone?”

“I’m sorry you were left,” I try.

          “I got to sleep at Autumn Cove for three nights.”

          “I’m so glad to hear it,” I say.

          “I need to figure this out, but I can’t.”

          “I have trouble figuring it out, too, Daddy.”

          “You can’t figure it?”

          “No, I can’t,” I tell him. “Sometimes it’s really hard.”

          “I’m sorry it’s hard.”

          “Me, too,” I speak, trying not to cry.

          He pats my arm. “It’s OK.”

          “I know, Daddy. It’s OK.”

          “Did you pay for my airline ticket?”

          “Yes,” I tell him. “I always do.”

          “Well, that’s good. I missed you.”

          “You did?” I ask.

          “I always miss you when I am asleep.”

          “Me, too, Daddy. I always miss you, too."

Even when you are old, I will take care of you. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you. I will carry you, and I will save you.

—Isaiah 46:4 ICB

© 2017 Lynn Lacher

www.lynnlacher.com

           

No Fear in Perfect Love

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.

—1 John 4:18a (NIV)

There is no perfect earthly love. Earthly love changes with circumstance, and it changes with feeling. However, there is a perfect spiritual love that conquers fear and lives in faith that God will take care of anything that comes against it. This perfect love carries me safely through all of life’s struggles and heartaches. It never deserts me, and it never changes. When this spiritual love is perfected in my life, it brings greater faith to believe in the impossible. What is this perfect love? It is the love of God who gave His Son, Jesus Christ, for me. If that is beyond my human capacity to understand, it is meant to be. I can’t understand such a perfect love with my mind. It is useless to try to analyze it. My mind can’t fathom the depth of this sacrificial love, but my spirit can receive it. 

The only way to receive this perfect love that conquers fear is to allow Christ into my heart. He loved me enough to die for my sin so I might be set free from its control over me. He, who was perfect and knew so sin, became sin so it might be crucified forever in my life and I might receive His perfect love. Fear can only be defeated with His perfect love living in me.

When I let go of what is imperfect in me, I receive His love. It washes away all that I have been so I may receive all that He is. With His perfect love in my life, continually changing me, His love becomes stronger in me and perfects me. Only His perfected love in my life can drive out fear and give me faith to believe. If I remain rooted in His love and growing in His grace, perseverance will finish its work so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything. I will be strong enough to choose faith over fear.

If I am dealing with great fear, then His love has not been perfected in me. My mind has been focused on my struggles, and my feelings have pulled me away from His promised fullness of life. The Lord will keep me in His perfect peace when my mind remains on Him instead of other circumstances. I cannot grow stronger in what I feel. I can only become stronger in what I know.

I rejoice in the knowledge that His perfect love drives out all fear. It drives it out as His love is continually perfected in me. My promise and my journey is to be perfected by the Lord who gave His life for me.

From Form Me, Fire Me, Fill Me

© 2017 Lynn Lacher

The God-of-Angel-Armies Fights for Me

God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him. We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, courageous in seastorm and earthquake before the rush and roar of oceans, the tremors that shift mountains. Jacob-wrestling God fights for us; God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.

—Psalm 46:1-3 MSG

My refuge. My place of safety. My anchor. My help in time of need. He is all this and so much more. What do I ever face that He can’t and won’t handle?  Because of Him I stand without fear before any battle. I stand courageous before the unknown of tomorrow and the unrest of today. No storm of life is able to shake my assurance in Him. My world may surge with circumstances beyond my control, but they are not beyond His. No shock in my life is too great to defeat my faith in His unchanging truth. The same God who Jacob wrestled also fights for me. I may feel the wound of my own failure, but I shall become stronger because of it. I am healed only because He was wounded for me. The God of the angelic host fights battles beyond my comprehension—those battle of which I know nothing. I have no need to know. I don’t face or fight whatever lies ahead. He fights for me.

© 2017 Lynn Lacher

www.lynnlacher.com

I Come

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

—Matthew 11:28 NLT

I come to you, Lord, stripped of any pretense. I come abandoned. I come vulnerable. I come deserted. I come barren. I come forsaken. I come fearful. I come overwhelmed. I come anxious. I come rejected. I come hopeless. I come so that I might find respite from all the turmoil of my life in your presence. I come with nothing to offer but my brokenness. It is when I come broken of all that I have attempted to hold in place that I find you waiting. You accept and love me in my weakness and feebleness. I can be who I am with you. There is just you and just me. There is no image I have to keep. There is no mask I have to hold in place. There is no agenda that has to be met. There is no perfection that I need to maintain. You see beyond all my limitations, and you love me still. You always see my potential, and never my failures. In your amazing love I am no longer in bondage to my failure. I am free in your promise. I arise from my time with you accepted. I arise no longer deserted or abandoned. No longer forsaken or rejected, I arise free of the fear which has tormented. What has overwhelmed is now seen from your perspective. You have taken my anxious thoughts from me at your altar, and now I am at rest. I am broken of self, and restored in your power. I rise from my knees—revived and renewed. I know my hope is always in you, Lord, and it shall always be. I shall see you again in just a little while, because without my time with you, I am lost in my own weakness. So I come.

—from Chapter 5 introduction, Form Me, Fire Me, Fill Me

© 2017 Lynn Lacher

www.lynnlacher.com

Only You

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness

—Jeremiah 31:3 NIV

I look into my father’s eyes and see that he does not understand me. He is slipping away from me. There is nothing I can do to keep him close. I try once more, and nothing makes sense to him. The pain of loss grips my heart. If he realized his own loss, he would be devastated. I’m thankful that he doesn’t know, and that is the peace you have given him.

Loss brings grief. It should bring us closer to you, Lord, but many times grief pushes you away. Grief, even with a broken heart, can bring the sweetest peace when surrendered to you. You wait with open arms for that moment you are beckoned—you constantly wait for the realization that you alone are the answer. And then in yielding all that wearies, you come without hesitation to carry and comfort.

You walk with me in the pain of loss each day, Lord. Even with a grief that often heavily weighs on my heart, the pain is never too much because of you. Nothing would make sense to me without you. Surrender is where I find you. It is where I lay down my struggle, and have rest in your purpose for my life. You love me with an everlasting love. You are the reason I walk in peace in this season, and the next and the next.

Only you.

© 2017 Lynn Lacher

www.lynnlacher.com

In Your Valley

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil for you are with me;

your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

—Psalm 23:4 NLT

You thought you would never find yourself in this dark valley. You have loved Him, and served Him for years. But here you are—unable to feel His grace that has been your constant companion—unable to move out of what John of the Cross termed “the dark night of the soul”. Trying everything that you know—pleading in prayer, reading Scripture, seeking direction from those you trust, you are just treading water. You believe if you let go of your struggling to stay afloat, you will drown. But that is what He asks—for you to let go and surrender—to stop striving and let Him bring you through this darkness.

You cannot bring yourself through on your own strength. You cannot lead. You cannot save. You cannot teach yourself the lesson. He alone can show you when you allow it. He calls for surrender of all you have perceived about yourself. He calls of surrender of feelings, and what you believe are your rights. It is so painful to fight against surrender to His lesson. If not given willingly, surrender hurts. If not given to God, as He gave the gift of His life to you, you remain in bitter darkness. But you do not have to be alone. You do not have to fear. He is with you—just waiting for your willing surrender. His rod and staff will teach you and guide you safely through your dark valley— if you will just permit.

Surrender in your valley is difficult when you cannot feel His grace. But surrender in your valley is where His grace sets you free. Begin the journey to freedom. Just let go, and trust His rod and His staff. You shall run in the path of His commands once again— when you have allowed Him to set your heart free.

© 2017 Lynn Lacher

www.lynnlacher.com

I Am Yours

I will lead blind Israel down a new path, guiding them along an unfamiliar way. I will brighten the darkness before them and smooth out the road ahead of them. Yes, I will indeed do these things; I will not forsake them.

—Isaiah 42:16 (NLT)

When I walk a way that I have never known, one that is unfamiliar but one you have chosen for me, I sometimes hold back. Something new is down that path. I know it is something that my human mind cannot grasp. I have been blinded to your purpose and to your heart by my own understanding. I have not leaned upon you until there is nothing left of my own desire. I have not sought your depths because of fear of losing who I am. Everything within pushes me to step out in faith and follow you into the unknown. I hesitate because I must let go of all that has been my security. I have been secure in my own strength—in what I have perceived as my purpose. You call me to let go and reach for your hand. The moment I let go is the moment that I am swept into your presence. It is the moment your light shines into the darkness and reveals your glory. You are more real to me than my next breath. I am known. I am loved. I am protected. The things that have seemed to be insurmountable are nothing. I see you—not them. I hear you—not the voices of those who say, “Be rational.” They do not understand this joy—this revelation of why I live and what is before me. This pearl is for me. You will do for me as you have declared. Others may not understand, but you know the way that I take. You know my path. My heart is yours. I never walk alone, and I am never forsaken. You have called me into the depths, and I am no longer my own. I am yours.

—From Form Me, Fire Me, Fill Me

© 2017 Lynn Lacher

www.lynnlacher.com

Sacrificial Best

God’s gifts and his call can never be withdrawn.

—Romans 11:29, NLT

God calls you. He draws you. One day in response to persistent prayer, you realize what God wishes from your life. The realization of His will initially frightens you, but then apprehension finally gives way to surrender. With surrender anticipation builds. You live your purpose with fervent desire. You serve the Lord unquestionably, and believe that what you offer makes a difference. You experience the joy and fulfillment of knowing you are in the Lord's will. But in the midst of the joy of service you unexpectedly deny something that calls for a deeper level of commitment. You suddenly discover that you have failed Him. In guilt and grief you question your worth.

“Lord,” you cry, “what should I do?”

“Do you love me?” He asks. The unanticipated question strikes hard. You might be Peter on the shore, leaning over a bed of glowing embers, warming his cold hands, and remembering another coal fire where he had failed Jesus.

“Yes, Lord,” you manage to respond. “You know I love you.”

He repeats the question two more times, and each time you answer, you are abruptly aware of your failure. The Lord gently lifts your trembling chin to peer into eyes that also once burned into Peter’s. It is at this moment your failure is gone, and you, lost in His gaze, know you are forgiven. “If you love me,” He says, “then feed my sheep.”

His words are a statement to the fact that you have been called. Lovingly the Lord has brought you to your place of denial—your place of failure, and then called for your sacrificial best so that you might understand that your worth is not defined by your failure but is found in the humility of your heart. What is the actual price of your sacrificial best? Being sold out to the Master means that no price is too high to feed His sheep. You rise from the misplaced altar of your coal fire, and you choose to make Him your altar. He is your focus now, and not your failure.

 Never allow failure to hinder you, but to humble you. Continue to share Christ’s message, His heart, and His love. Learn from your failure, and move on. Remember that “feeding the sheep” is not about you. It is about loving Him. Leave the failure of your denial, just as Peter did, and rise once more to His calling.

—From Form Me, Fire Me, Fill Me

© 2017 Lynn Lacher

www.lynnlacher.com

Because of Mama

I discovered something I wrote in 2014 one year after my mother died. I share it again in honor of her birthday today. She would have been 92 today.

I seem to always be discovering a treasure about my Mama. She passed away a year ago today. Somehow, after she was gone, I ended up with her workbook from a discipleship class she was in many years ago. It has been incredible to read in her own handwriting about her faith and love for God. Just two weeks ago I looked at it again and discovered something I had never seen before—a remark she had made about my life. In fact, it was something I had never known she thought about me, and reading it in her own handwriting brought me such joy. It was if she was speaking right to me.

How many times do we hesitate sharing our feelings with those we care about? What makes us hesitate?  Are we afraid we will be judged? Are we afraid that we will not live up to their expectations?  Are we concerned our words will hurt them? Are we even afraid they will not care about our thoughts?  Our human mind creates all kinds of scenarios, but in the very end, those scenarios mean very little. What matters is telling those we love how we feel, and just letting God take care of what must needs to be taken care of.

When Mama praised you, it was special. What I read that day in her work book, I would have loved to have known while she was living. If I had known she felt about me in that way, we could have shared our hearts in ways that might have made us so much more closer.

Thank you, Mama, for always sharing your faith and your love. You fought for me. You believed in me. You passed on your fighting heart to me, and your belief in other people's potential.  You passed from this earth strong in spirit just as you always were. You left behind your legacy of faith that always speaks peace no matter what I face. It is because of you that I believe today.

Greater Than Your Failure

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.

—(Proverbs 16:3, NIV)

Do you yearn to be in God’s perfect will? Do you believe that you continually surrender your will so that any decision you make falls into the realm of His purpose? You make a decision to move forward in what you believe in His perfect will. Then without warning you face failure. That failure consumes your waking and sleeping moments. It eats at you until you question if you ever really understood His will.

You don’t own your failure. It belongs to Him. Everything you are belongs to Him so your failure also belongs to Him. You can’t keep that failure festering and hurting inside your heart until every sense of worth is destroyed. The “what if” you ask yourself will only bind you to that failure. Being consumed with that failure and what might have been only places your failure on a pedestal instead of placing it on His altar. Make that failure an offering so that you can learn from it and not dwell on it. He understands where your failure began, and He alone can make it right. Because you love Him and your heart longs to follow His will, He will take your failure and reclaim you. Move forward from your failure trusting Him, and He will guide you away from its condemnation. He has taught you a lesson that can keep you from another failure. Seek His will in every decision you make. Commit that decision to Him, and ask Him to make your plan His plan. He will establish the work of your hands—by teaching a lesson that grows His purpose in your life or by empowering your decision with His anointing.

Rejoice in His promise of restoration! Praise Him that you don’t own His plan or any failure! His plan is greater than any failure that you might make. Step forward from fear caused by failure, and move forward in faith in Him. Commit to Him whatever you do. Make your life and your plan an offering. He will make all right as He wishes. One decision at a time, obediently rendered, brings deep pruning and His greatest fulfillment.

From: Form Me, Fire Me, Fill Me

© 2017 Lynn Lacher

www.lynnlacher.com