“God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. I’m an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I’m never out of your sight. You know everything I’m going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and you’re there then up ahead and you’re there, too—your reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful—I can’t take it all in. Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? To be out of your sight? If I climb to the sky, you’re there! If I go underground, you’re there! If I flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon, you’d find me in a minute—you’re already there waiting! ” (Psalm 139:1-10, MSG).
Why do I sometimes try to hide from God? He knows me intimately because He created me (Psalm 139:13-16). Yet, sometimes I still hide from him. Sometimes my heart closes to His calling and to His need, because that means that I must become vulnerable. To regard my life as an open book before the world can be a terrifying feeling. But God is not the world. He is my creator, and He knows everything about me. He just longs for me to stop erecting walls of what I perceive to be protection. I can't hide from Him, but I can erect walls that keep His love from reaching me. The only way that His love can lift me into His reassuring presence is to let the wall down and surrender all of me to all of Him.
In surrender, I discover the truth that where He is, there is really freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17). Where once I might have tried to avoid His Spirit, now I long for it. Where once I sought “safety” from Him, I now realize the ridiculous stupidity of that attempt. Safety is found in my surrender to His love.... not in the energy I might spend to keep him out. Why would I ever believe that I need protection from the God who has created and loved me?
Investigate my life, Lord. Hold me to your truth, and bring me to my knees if I try to erect walls again. Keep me an open book before you. You know my thoughts before I think them, and my words before I speak. You know the words I will write before I even begin to write. You have walked with me in the past. You are with me now, and you will be with me in my future. That is all I need to know. I have your constant presence, and unending love. Never allow me to hide again. Keep me open to you for the rest of my life.