I have loved you, my
people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to
myself. —Jeremiah 31:3 NLT
Lord, sometimes I just
can’t draw enough of your love into myself. I yearn to be a sponge who soaks up
all of you, and yet at the same time I hold up a wall to protect the last vestige
of who I am. I don’t want to lose me, but at the same time I want to gain you.
In my struggle to let go, you bring me to the dark night of my soul, and I am
backed into a corner. A narrow opening slowly appears, and you ask me to let go
of all I own—to lay down the gifts you have imparted—the ministries that you
have allowed me to have. You ask me to lay down rights and your purpose in my
life. There is not enough room to carry everything with me through that
opening. You tell me to lay it all down and enter into your presence through
that narrow way. I own nothing. Not even all that you have given and called me
to do for you.
I sit in my dark corner
knowing what you ask, but unable to lay down all of me so that I might discover
all of you. I have asked you to break me of anything that holds me back, and
then I fight when you try to break me. Just how much of you do I really want,
Lord? Just how hungry am I? I know you wait to fill me continually again
and again. I know you wait for me to give up everything, and move forward
through the only way you have called me. I don’t realize that in laying
everything down to go through this narrow opening—I don’t realize that when I
pass through that narrow way and come into your presence, I will receive more
of you, because I will have left all of me behind. There is no greater love
than to lay down one’s life for one’s
friends. You laid down your life for me. You ask me to lay down all I own—all
of who I am—all I think I am—all my rights to know or understand—to know just
you. You beckon me through that narrow opening. You draw me with love. Fear of
letting go will not defeat me.
I move forward. I let
go—stripped of all but my hunger for all of you. As I move through that opening
and come out on the other side you are there—waiting full of joy and glory. And
in your presence—when who I am and what I have owned no longer matter, you
restore all that I have laid down. You fill me to overflowing with a depth of
peace and joy that I have never experienced. You fill me with power so that I
may share you again and again. I receive all of you and ask you to continually
crucify all of self in me. I receive
your power so that I might share your love with those who are starving. It is
in giving up myself that I receive all of you to give.
Lord, keep me stripped of
self so that I might be filled again and again with all of you. Don’t ever let
me retreat to that corner informing you of all I own. The opening is always
before me—asking me to lay everything down. Let nothing stand in your way in my
life—least of all me.
© 2017Lynn Lacher
www.lynnlacher.com
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