Lord, I yearn to be a
sponge who soaks up all of you, and yet at the same time I hold up a wall to
protect the last vestige of who I believe myself to be. I don’t want to lose
me, Lord, but at the same time I want to gain you. You ask for my complete
surrender, and in my struggle to let go, I am backed into a corner. A narrow
opening slowly appears, and you ask me again to let go of all I own—to even lay
down the gifts you have imparted.
There is not enough room
to carry everything with me through that opening. I sit in my corner knowing
what you ask, but unable to completely let go so that I might move through that
opening to discover all of you. I have asked you to break me of anything that
holds me back, and then I fight when you try to break me. Just how much of you
do I really want, Lord? Just how hungry
am I? You wait for me to empty myself so
that I might be filled with you. There is no greater love than laying down one’s life for one’s
friends. You laid down your life for me. I own nothing. Not even all that you
have given and called me to do for you. You ask me again to lay down all I own—all
I think I am—all my rights to know or understand—to know just you. You draw me
with love. I have decided. Pride will not be my master. Fear of letting go will
not defeat me.
I move forward—stripped of
all but my hunger for you. As I pass through that opening and come out on the
other side you are there—waiting for me with open arms—full of joy and glory.
And in your presence—when who I am and what I have owned no longer matter, you
restore me. You return ministry and gifts that I couldn’t bring with me. You
fill me to overflowing with a depth of peace and joy that I have never
experienced. In giving up myself I have received all of you.
Lord, keep me stripped of
self so that I might be filled again and again with you. Don’t ever let me
retreat to that corner informing you of all I own. The opening is always before
me—asking me to lay everything down. Let nothing stand in your way in my
life—least of all me.
© 2018 Lynn Lacher
www.lynnlacher.com
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