Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.
—Luke 17:3
“Take heed to yourselves” means to care for your well-being. It is a misunderstanding that holding a grudge hurts only the other person. Unforgiveness hurts us more than hurting someone we are angry with. In this verse, Jesus also spoke about walking in love, particularly about rebuking a brother who sins against us. Sometimes, more than just forgiving someone, we need to talk to them about the seriousness of their offense. If we care enough to rescue someone from drowning, we should care enough to rescue someone from hurting others.
Most people have difficulty confronting someone over an offense. But not confronting someone can cause bad feelings to gnaw inside you. Those feelings can grow much worse until you are blinded to rational thinking. It is usually better to gently say what you feel rather than holding those feelings in. If you don’t talk about those feelings, they can eventually find their way to the surface, causing terrible destruction you will later regret.
“If your brother sins against you,” Jesus said, “rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.” When someone “sins” against you, he trespasses against you. He crosses into your personal space with something he says or does. In your mind, he doesn’t live up to what you expect. This verse tells you to “rebuke” him.
The Greek word for “rebuke” is “epitimae.” This “rebuke” means to speak freely, honestly, decently, and courteously when you tell someone how you feel he has hurt you. This doesn’t mean rebuke him like you would the enemy. Just frankly and politely confront him.
Many Christians are insincere about what they really think and feel. They may be angry with someone over an issue, yet they pretend all is fine. Not being honest with our brothers and sisters destroys unity in the body of Christ. It stops God’s power from flowing freely and spontaneously. If you don’t speak with someone who has “wronged” you, you “wrong” them in return by not being honest with them. This makes you just as immature as the person who has hurt you. Jesus wants us to be mature in our relationships with others and learn how to confront them when they have hurt us. It may be hard to confront someone fairly and kindly, but it is easier than being full of bitterness.
How do you confront someone maturely?
You need to pray. Prayer often takes care of many issues because it makes you look at yourself honestly. It may make you realize your attitude is worse than the person who wronged you. The Holy Spirit will reveal if you need to repent. If you do, He will show you how to surrender your attitude to Him. Then, He will guide you in what to say and how to say it to the person who has offended you. And pray for that person before going to them. It is hard to remain angry at someone you pray for. When you spend time with Jesus, you can clothe yourself in tender-hearted kindness, humility, and patience. Confronting someone without praying about your attitude and the offense, and for the offensive person, is like going into battle without proper preparation.
Don’t confront anyone with a judgmental attitude. None of us are perfect. We have all made mistakes. Give the person who has hurt you the benefit of the doubt by letting him know that what he did was not intentional. Put the fault where it lies—on the enemy. Always remember, the person who has hurt you is not your enemy. Your relationship may be complicated right now, but you still need to see that you are both on the same side. Confronting your offender is not about proving how wrong he is or how right you are. It allows the Spirit to teach you how to work together to be one in Jesus.
Have you ever intentionally or unintentionally offended anyone? Have you repented and been forgiven? Jesus said in Luke 17:3, “If he repents, forgive him.”
The Greek word “forgive” in this verse is “aphiemi,” which means to set someone free completely. If someone repents and asks for forgiveness, we are not to hold them in bondage to what they have done. If they repent and honestly ask for forgiveness, Jesus said to let the offense and all your bad feelings toward that person go.
You must now choose to forgive that offense. Once you forgive, you do not have the right to bring that offense up again. You have chosen to release the person who has hurt you just like Jesus released you when He forgave you. Their offense is gone just like yours is gone. Never mention it again. As far as the East is from the West, it is no more.
In any relationship you allow God to touch, He can bring His goodness and truth to bear in it. He can move you to forgiveness and to speak His truth in love. But know this. This is not your work. It is His. Someone may not receive what you share in love, but you can receive healing from Jesus.
Pursue peace with others. Allow no root of bitterness to take you captive (Hebrews 12:14-15). God has abundant grace to free your heart, releasing you from all unforgiveness and offense. Use the grace He has given you.
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