“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24, NIV).
“Friendship is one of the sweetest joys of life,” C.H. Spurgeon wrote. “Many might have failed beneath the bitterness of their trial had they not found a friend." This is the kind of friend I wish to be–one who knows I can't solve a problem or fix an issue, but who realizes that in listening to my friend's heart, I have given the very best I can give. I want to be a faithful sounding board, encourager, and someone my friend can lean on.
Have you ever tried to help a friend, and ended
up hurting him instead? Was it something you were certain would bring relief,
but all it did was bring more pain? Sometimes in an attempt to lessen a friend's
pain and ease a breaking heart, we attempt to fix something that we don't really
understand. Only the Holy Spirit does. Sometimes the Holy Spirit does guide and
give direction to encourage our friend, but it is always His place to do the
work. We can't fix anything. Only He can. Look at Job's friends. Job didn't ask
for their advice, but they gave it anyway. They believed that they were helping
Job with their insight. All they did was hurt him with their judgments and
accusations. They really didn't understand the larger picture, and neither do
we.
If a friend shares his heart, he has trusted you
enough to make himself vulnerable to what you think of him
and to your assessment. If your friend comes to you seeking advice, pray for
God's wisdom and always extend the grace of honesty without judging him. If you
are a loving friend, and not a “Job” friend, you will know that you don't have
all the answers, but you will carefully listen. If the Holy Spirit gives you
insight, you will only offer that insight, and not place any expectation upon
your friend. You make a suggestion, and also make it clear that you love him no
matter what–that you do not have all the answers. God
extends free will to us, and we must do the same. We can't demand anything of
anyone, but we can love completely with His love that sees potential without
passing judgment. There is no greater
love than when we give ourselves for our friends. We must lay down all our human
judgment or preconception or expectation. We must release all this so then we
are free to love. We just love with His love, and then all things are possible.
My friend, if I ever make mistakes that hurt
you, please forgive me. I don't do them on purpose. I try to be the best friend
that I can be, but I often fail. When I hurt so much for you and want
desperately to help, I often confuse you, and try to fix things that I should
never attempt to fix. The best I can do for you is pray for you and ask the Holy
Spirit to make me sensitive to your needs, and keep me from making mistakes or
saying things that hurt you. I will always pray for your needs, your healing,
and for God to heal any pain that comes into your life. If He wishes to use me,
I will make myself available. But I will never assume it is my place to do
anything but surrender to Him. If you come to me asking for advice, I will pray
for His guidance and His heart. I pray that in our mutual surrender, we will
know His peace and joy and have a greater sensitivity to Him and to each other.
I pray we both discover those unfathomable depths of His unconditional
love.
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